May 1st 2030
The Underground Press
A Spoonful of Bullets Helps Protesters Back Down
Brave demonstrators were out in force in The Capital today, protesting for the rights of the thousands of mentally ill people who have been locked up, imprisoned in labour camps and mysteriously disappeared over the last decade, as controversies grow around recent laws about Shirking Work and Unwillingness to Conform.
The Blue Party of Britania brought in the Cheerful Conformity Act of 2022, after the demolition of the NHS and the Welfare State; in a bid to reduce the mentally ill’s dependency and drain on public resources, and provide them with a strict daily routine and opportunities to remain productive members of society, whilst under compulsory medical care in a supervised living environment.
But critics insist it is inhumane to forcibly remove people from their homes and deny them their independence, put them into repetitive production line type work, and medicate them against their will. Many claim to have been made to take fish oil rectally, as well as having to undergo controversial Laser Shock Treatment, and attend mind control programs aimed to promote a Relentlessly Positive Attitude. Some claim to have had friends and family detained by the authorities, for conditions listed as ‘Overbearing sense of Compassion’, ‘Bleeding heart Liberalism’ and ‘Excessive States of Empathy.’
The New World Orderlies, who regulate the diagnoses and recommended treatment of the mentally ill, no longer have to reveal their diagnostic process, or any medical trial evidence, to the general public; further stripping citizens of their right to access up to date scientific data. With a lack of adequate information, many are reduced to self-diagnosing with Fone App quizzes, which are of course regulated by the Department of Online Surveillance, which records anyone using such devices, making them vulnerable to being labelled as Inadequate.
A government Spokesrobot said:
“Our Lady of Thatcherism Work Centres and Houses of Reform for the Mentally Nonviable, has been a resounding success. We have cleared our communities of potentially dangerous, degenerate and lacklustre undesirables. Through this system these no-hopers are being put to good use within our work programs. At least here they are provided with a hot ready meal and enforced cleansing rituals on a daily basis. For those unwilling to participate we offer a very effective disengagement service, by way of our Elective Suicide Portals. By participating in mandatory drug trials and testing they are helping us to discover new ways to treat future generations of defectives. In big society we all have a role to play. We are all in this together, after all.
Citizens should be reminded that radical free thinking is a symptom of a sick mind itself, and anyone experiencing doubts about the rule of Our Glorious Leaders should visit a Health Hub immediately. Those without health insurance are reminded that they can report to their local Philanthropic Centre for the Feeble Underclasses where they can earn a full restorative health program, in exchange for their blood or organ tissue donation to be used in our human engineering programs.
Hard working families can rest easy knowing that their communities and work environment are not infected by swarms of Imbeciles, waiting to take their jobs, government issued flat pack Shanty-Shack, and corrupting their children with their neurotic and fanciful notions.
We have an ongoing commitment to improving citizens’ mental health, including our recently updated Weather Modification Devices, which increase the length of daylight hours to provide sun exposure to those in darker climates with Vitamin D Deficiency.”
Today’s protesters were shot with acid canons and lasered down by the Department of Homeland Warfare.
One anonymous participant said of the scene:
“It was chaos, one minute I was chanting a haiku, highlighting the importance of people self-advocating for their own treatment options, and the next I had the shrapnel of my vintage Fitbit flying into my mouth. I knew I’d been hit but I managed to drop my banner and hopped onto a hover tram just before the Behavioural Correction Team and Obedience Officers stormed in.”
As usual there is a sense of ‘All Hail Our Glorious Leaders’, or go out in a hail of their bullets.
Readers are reminded to pull their socks up, put on a cheery smile, and keep your head held in humility so as not to draw attention to yourself.
And don’t forget, if you dance like no one is watching, they most definitely are and will take you away.
Take care out there comrades.