Unreachable

When you tell me how much you love me

All I can hear is how much I hate myself

 

Because I am unworthy

And I do not deserve nice things

 

Because I am destructive

And beautiful things should be enjoyed from afar

 

For those of us who break stuff

Should learn to keep our hands to ourselves

 

And yet there you are all ablaze

And I am drawn like a moth to a flame

 

And in the heat of the moment I give in

And give pieces of myself to you

 

Until the daylight comes and the shine wears off

Not from your ethereal glow

But the cracks in my life begin to show

 

It highlights my vulnerability

I need darkness to hide the real me.

 

And like all broken things I cannot

Forget the shadows of my former self

They dance beside me ever present

Waiting, wanting,

To show me up,

to remind me of who I am now,

Of my nothingness,

I grow weary of the mask I wear,

That you claim to love,

And so I stay alone,

Where it is calm and safe.

 

One day you will fly away,

Give up and leave me for good,

And I will give a knowing nod:

A self fulfilled prophecy.

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