I am starting this blog to share my writing and musings about life and living with mental health problems. I write because if I don’t I will cease to see any clarity and look for meaning in all the wrong places.
I find the best introductions always start with a backstory of how we got here. Writing this reminds me very much of the time that I decided to join a dating website and had such a crisis of confidence in ‘selling’ myself that I ended up writing and rewriting an essay exploring my ever changing self image that was fit for a dissertation piece. This of course led to a complete emotional melt down and identity crisis which admittedly had begun sometime prior and is ongoing until further notice. I suppose the easiest way to introduce myself without spiralling into a blithering wreck on the floor is to explain why I am here, bearing my soul in blog form.
I love to write and I’ve written for my own sanity since I was a child. I still have copies of frankly awful poems about unrequited love so full of self loathing and angst that Morrissey would be proud of them. I’ve never been a daily diarist and I can’t imagine that I will use this blog as such being that I have the discipline of a binge eater at a pie eating contest. But with plenty life experience, opinions, passions and a never ending lust for words I may well find this a useful outlet.
But why Girl, you may well ask, would you want to share the inside of your frightful mind and chaotic shambles of a life with the rest of the interwebs?
Until now I’ve generally hidden my writing from others. I hide my dark thoughts because sharing them makes me feel so vulnerable, and by choosing to share I have to push myself beyond my comfort zone to open up a little bit more. Because the truth is it helps me.
I have found blogs, forums and the internet in general, a great source for connecting and sharing with people from all demographics and backgrounds. It’s been especially helpful in coming to terms with and learning to cope with certain aspects of life like my mental health issues and early childhood trauma. Sometimes knowing you are not alone can make your day, sometimes it can help save your life.
I write honestly, as thought it will never be read, because then it will always be truthful. It won’t always be beautiful, but it will be heartfelt. Some of it will be raw and painful to read (and write) so let’s make sure we’re both sitting comfortably. Wonder and poetry can be found in all things, even profound sadness. I choose to recolour the world with my written reflections, so that I can make sense of it all.
As I journey though this study of self (and ramblings) I hope to find and share moments of epiphany and truth and if in doing so, the reader finds some spark of inspiration, I hope they will take it and run their own pen wildly across their page, so that they too can find the solace and freedom in expressing themselves.
FYI My experience with online dating was short lived indeed, I expect my efforts here will be equally fruitful, but I’d imagine I’ll get a few less pictures of strangers genitals. So that’ll be nice.
TL;DR I’m interested in exploring and writing about what it means to be human, to be alive, laughing and suffering through life’s ups and downs.
I have backdated some of my entries to reflect the date/time of my life that they were written.
If I write about you kindly or unkindly please don’t be too offended or flattered, artistic license is applied often (liberally at times).